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[12 Aug 2009|02:16am]
it's kind of weird that I had my first achewood/dinosaur comics/perry bible fellowship discussion tonight. it's almost like bonding about our shared love for radiohead or grizzly bear or something, despite the fact that i don't get the fascination behind either of those rock combos. I don't know.

I'm also apparently a lot more bearable when I don't make references to using a turkey baster to collect drippings that run along one's legs upon being really excited about _______. Or when I restrain from saying "wow, I detect a pattern here. It's good to know that you don't shy away from getting down with your bad manipulative self," I don't get comments like "it might be good if you leave my room right now because you're getting really annoying. We'll talk about this tomorrow." I find that kind of weird because people being vocal about how they find comments such as these rather insipid encourage me to up the ante since I feel they're being vocal about shutting me up is a way for them to tell me of how they're taken aback by the concept of someone they expect to be super quiet ruining their paradigm by the very act of opening my mouth and saying something either slightly raunchy or critical of those around me. but right now, I'm seriously reconsidering thinking twice before I make casual references to snowballing and how I'm totally treated like shit by my roommates...in front of my roommates.
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[10 Aug 2009|12:55am]
remind me the next time I'm around a person of color from Oakland, I should never ask if he's ghostridden the whip, seeing as how this will inevitably lead to some diatribe about how it's shocking that a brown person like myself would perpetuate the oft-denigrating stereotypes that have circulated among those outside the bay area. it's interesting how this diatribe would carry on way after my having replied that my comment was meant as a fairly innocuous attempt at starting some small talk by way of being somewhat flip about things and that we should move on, leading to further remarks from him about how too short is seen as a sell out and how he takes double offense at the fact that I, as a former bay area resident, fail to see the ways in which my remarks were culturally insensitive and drawn from white bros co-opting, distorting, reducing and exaggerating characteristics of a culture that moves beyond the reaches of what a youtube video would have one believe.

tonight's incident reminds me of why I moved the fuck out of California, seeing as how I've been overwhelmed by the number of "brown folks" there who paint themselves in a rather pathetic corner while deluding themselves of being the next Eldridge Cleaver or something.
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because old skool is the new old skool [31 Jul 2009|01:54am]
fog machines and laser rays

pew pew pew pew pew pew pew...
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an old saw? [03 Jun 2009|11:01pm]
social institutions or any upshots thereof are established to correct naturally occurring inequalities between at least two individuals.
social institutions can affirm the legitimacy of already existing power disparities.
social institutions are like any other instrument in their capacity to be used to reinforce or combat power disparities.
social institutions in and of themselves set the field for and introduce power differentials.
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OMG! [30 May 2009|11:20am]
i need to come up with a painless exit strategy from my life. 4 real.
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[15 May 2009|01:54am]
who are the headlights? and who are loney dear? and why did the former's keyboardist/vocalist so ready to give away her trade secrets regarding the gear used and go on about the political rift between urbana and champaign? and why did the latter's tour manager fail to apply the old truism that the shortest distance between two points is a line, thereby effectively adding 17 more hours of being confined in a car? and why was he so evasive even after I had asked him three times to specify what the duties of a tour manager entails, instead giving super vague responses about how with his help, the band can kick their feet up?

and why has it been the case lately that you can't spell conspicuous consumption with a B and a K? kicks like these make me firmly convinced that the only thing that's even more forward thinking than pastiche is an homage to pastiche.



and why the hell do I have this sudden craving for either Popeyes or poutine?
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[27 Apr 2009|12:31am]
whoa. just had a super awkward meeting with roommates upon receiving a written note telling me that it would be nice if I remembered to clean up my mess in the kitchen after cooking. over discussing this note, it turned out that I've been "responsible" for pretty much all the dishes in the sink. As a measure to dispel this notion that I'm solely responsible for, I said that perhaps that it's the clerical side of me coming out, but I wouldn't mind leaving sticky notes on every dish and utensil I use with my name and a timestamp. My roommates took this statement to be a facetious one when I was dead serious. yes, I'm that fucking crazy. "we're not college students" seemed to be the best I got out of the roommate that left the note, although I'm still befuddled as to what this means, since clearly, "not being college students" has little to no bearing on our ability to discern what dishes belong to us or someone else.

I said I don't expect anyone else to follow this as I am going to ensure that an end's put to the general aura of blame that been cast in my general direction, but if something's wrong, I kind of like it to be said right then and there. while I understand that I just moved in and there's that phase in which we get acquainted with our respective boundaries in a respectful way, I kind of said that I'm a bit thick in the head and that compounded with my craving for structure doesn't square with the thinly-veiled hints that have been dropped on me.

this of course requires some degree of good faith on my roommates' part so that they don't think I'm out of my own convenience using this "sticky note strategy" to get away with not doing dishes. But I'm one of those really stupid people who try to work on principle and find that if I'm not living up to someone's standards of cleanliness, I need to shape up or ship out. the best part of this exercise will be seeing how little changes despite my act of putting in my due diligence. this will be especially amusing in the light of everyone else being super explicit about how they're high maintenance. right. but who knows? maybe it'll turn out that I truly have been that guy. either way, I figure it's a win-win situation.
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happiness qua final cause [26 Apr 2009|06:27pm]
once upon a time, in a place called Los Angeles, I was surrounded by a pack of freeloading wolves with an unrelenting sense of entitlement--social and otherwise. fast forward to today: I've found a niche in a land of flowing teff flour, turmeric, and egg-laying hens. things seems to just...happen here and the "unwritten" social protocols are a bit more relaxed and give rise to far less conflict than what I'm used to. and I wasn't raised here why, again?

I'm still afraid of working with my relationship with spices, given the ways in which they strike me as a loaded gun of sorts.

let me take this opportunity to clarify that my experiences in Los Angeles aren't in any way representative of what one might encounter there. Much in the way Hegel's (or Kojeve's Hegel's rather?) end of history thesis applies solely to him, such is the case with my perception of the two places of comparison.
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[25 Jan 2009|02:05am]
although I've taken the core of the idea for granted for awhile, it just hit me in a slightly skewed way tha the novelty and/or profundity doesn't lie in the content itself; it simply lies in the fact that it's being said at all. for a good part of my life, I've confused these two things.
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[23 Jan 2009|01:41am]
ok, I know the lot of you are in sub 40 degree weather as we speak. But coming from a place with temperate climates that have been consistently in the upper 80s in the wintertime, I'm having the hardest time adjusting to 31. It's seriously brutal especially when biking with no griptape on handlebars. I also know that Portland's "cold temperatures" are a joke compared to you midwest-easterners, but really, I'm finding myself slowly assuming the position of "the fighter." yes, my flights of fancy lead me to believe that enduring anything below 50 earns me the right to claim that title.

I'm here for good for the biggest small-town nature of it jives with every little fiber of my being and it doesn't feel quite as brutal and communally-flatlined (ah yes, neologisms ftw) as L.A. perhaps one day I'll see Portland for the one-horse town it is, but for now, it's something close to fulfilling my utopian desires. That may change once I run out of UI and I have to flee back to the arms of my 'rentals, but I'd rather not think about the past.

I think it's funny/pathetic that it takes two pints of OE 800 to inspire a post on LJ, but that's just the way it is, I suppose. I saw this a cappella band from Olympia last night and I imagine being exposed to more of the same (good in this case!) in the upcoming days.

I don't have much to say rather than the typical ramblings of the inebriated and tanked. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a lightweight.

I also discovered tonight from friends that Andrew WK had a hand in producing Lee Perry's latest, with his featured single, Pum Pum, which itself is bizarre in its own right. Exploitation doesn't get as exploitative as this. I mean, really? the sun as a UFO (or oofa as slavic speakers would phonetically call it)? the moon as an UFO? (a UFO; an UFO, cover my ass much?)

Oregon sure has a bunch of Christian rock stations with melodies that are a cross between Blondie's "Dreaming" and the Clash/Crashman stage theme song from Mega Man II (ie. awesome!). On the way up though, I heard some coo stations explicitly devoted to baby boomers, playing tommy dorsey, flanked by all kinds of neato crooners. I'm sorry, but that's the kinda shit that melts my buttah. And then there's the Spanish dance stations that don't quite go all the way to the boom bah dah boom dah, one would find in reggaeton, but is almost as good.

also, the word of the day/week/month in these parts seems to be dongle. hehe.
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they don't call it Rage for nothing [13 Dec 2008|03:57am]
just returned from a night of bar-hopping, dancing at Rage, and a late dinner at Fred 62, and it was truly a night of self-exploration.  I've somehow overcome my insistent fear of getting into a scrape with someone.  I'm looking forward to what this new path holds for me.  First, I ran into this really obnoxious lanky dude-- or rather, shall I say, he ran into me.  As this "Justin Guarini" was trying to get his game on with my friend's friend, I started freaking him on the spot.  It took awhile for him to notice before he turned around, winced, gave me a highfive, and left.  Second, I found my role from freakor shift to that of freakee as a really aggressive person started having his way with me while quite possibly having as much fun as I had when dancing.  After some time of me swaying along with my hands in my pocket waiting for him to finish, things escalated from simple ass-fondling to just plain rough pushing, which then triggered a rush of anger that flowed throughout my body.  An ordinarily pleasurable activity between two consenting adults had taken a turn for the worst as I suddenly found myself in a pure battle of physical intimidation.  I had to stand my ground and remind him a thing or two about Newton's third law.  I swung violently trying as hard as I could, making sure those elbows made contact with soft matter.

The fucker eventually backed off.

What I had learned that night in quite intimate terms is that the critical thing I lose from being short is center of gravity.  Also, I learned that while I could say that I'm not normally a violent person, I'm quite confident that were I given the gift of pure physical strength, I'd abuse it in a heartbeat. 

While it feels ridiculous referencing this, the video for Pulp's "Misshapes" was one that popped into my head and stayed with me for the rest of the night.

I was in good company though -- good enough to shake off that feeling I get when waiting in line at the post office. This is truly a feat since I've been feeling it wherever I go lately.  Everything's become a chore as I've made desperate attempts to restore some sense of pleasure in what I do.  But my definition of "VJ" had radically changed before my eyes from being a putatively telegenic personality to a role that now includes the task of creating seamless transitions from one music video to another in a club.  It was mesmerizing seeing one track shift to the next from artists that I've only hitherto been exposed to on a very cursory level: Madonna, Chris Brown, Christina Aguilera, Pitbull, Britney Spears, MIA.  The musical theme of the night was swagger and everyone brought it.  It was kind of awesome to see how Allen Bloom's greatest fears as expressed in his The Closing of the American Mind has become so refined to the point where it seems to have insurmountably become the only game in town.
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[16 Nov 2008|11:34pm]


What I've really come to appreciate is the way the reel-to-reel represents to me a harmonious overlap between two other interests: sewing and bike wrenching. Maybe this overlap occurs not so much in principle, but I think of a term shared between the operation of the reel to reel with that of the sewing machine -- threading -- and another two shared between parts of the reel to reel with those of the wheel -- flange and hub. And sometimes all it takes is three words to make one feel as if the pieces are somehow coming together.
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[23 Oct 2008|08:45pm]
I'm looking at getting this guy tomorrow for $100

<img="http://images.craigslist.org/1151gb14czzzzzzzzz8anab35f3b86d6a1827.jpg">

I never come across the stupid cheap deals that a number of people I know have come across, but that's OK. I'm going to take this as a sign for me to stop saving and just start making the big bucks. The question now is, "when?!"

I've been temping for over 2 months now and while I'm learning how to negotiate my immediate needs with others' in as productive of a way as ever, I feel a bit cheated and upset. My college education has no meaning here as I can barely articulate my thoughts and carry out simple requests over the phone. Even the lowliest of low in the foodchain, production assistants, make a lot more than I do and get free lunches and paid mileage. You really do become aware of how an industry that thrives on "making up shit" becomes its own little self-contained

While I'm pretty sure it can be much worse than this and much more challenging, I'm more interested in the question, "will it get easier?"

To keep myself from going insane, I'm going to try to commit myself to a project a week. I have a number of items on my plate and it's now just a matter of figuring out how to prioritize them.

-clean out a mixer (mainly the gunked up pots) that I acquired on Monday
-finally shield my cheapo electric guitar
-rebuild one of my wheels using a newly acquired flip-flop hub
-repair an acoustic guitar pickup
-troubleshoot a pinch roller on my reel-to-reel that isn't catching

that'll keep me busy for about a month or so.
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prop 8 - protect the state from the church [22 Oct 2008|10:50pm]
after a bit of deliberation, it looks like I'm going to vote for prop. 8. Granted, I haven't actively tracked down the lit. from both sides, but I'm convinced that this issue has been and still is generally discussed as if the crux of this issue is defined by whether or not we should protect the sanctity of marriage. I remember on the day that the bill passed in California recognizing same-sex marriage hearing on the radio listeners expressing their anxiety about the way this will play out for kids adopted by same-sex couples.

I, however, am a bit more concerned about protecting the state from being ensnared and tangled up in matters that belong to what should've already become nothing more than a special interest group -- the church. I actually kind of like the idea of making an institution like the church more exclusionary in the hopes that it may finally become an entity that can be thought of as being fully independent of the state. Joe Biden's remarks about this very issue rung with me due to it following in accord with the way I think same-sex marriages should be discussed. That is to say, the topic of marriage, period, ought not to get the attention that it's getting from the state relative to other issues that have direct bearing on whether I can make the next month's rent on time. I don't see a vote for proposition 8 as a vote for actively barring same-sex marriages, but rather as a vote for the state's withdrawal from getting its hands sticky with the topic altogether. (as a side note, sure, one can bring up the fact that Joe Biden is reportedly Roman Catholic, but this would at worst only render Biden's explanation for his own personal preference suspect.)

And then there's the other poignant remark I read regarding same-sex marriage from Judith Butler, who warns against the pursuit for gay marriage as being a contributing factor to not only universalizing the way the lesbian and gay movement is perceived but also as a way of stamping one side of many sides of the movement as being the "right way." It closes what may have been a once-open field and tags the movement as being complete.

Returning to the practical side of the matter, I really don't know what the state's blessing on this matter offers the same-sex couple if civil unions already grant the economic premiums given to "married" hetero-couples. I find this matter to be a desperate continuation of the civil rights movement and a sign that the movement may be running out of ideas.

As long as we're on the topic of civil rights, I don't think we can talk about civil union and marriage the way we might talk about Plessy vs. Ferguson in the traditional fashion -- an irresponsible conflation that I've heard made enough times. If anything, the pursuit for the state's recognition of same-sex marriages exposes the limits of the way we talk about that precious thing people call "equality." I see this pursuit as nothing more than ceding to some Other the authority to reward one with a gold star.

Lastly, I've always considered myself a very techy person who likes to troubleshoot objects and perhaps this is that side of me shining through. I understand that the general quality of life in a given community can be often informed by and even determined by the institution that I had just trivialized. I also understand that this bare-essentials thesis that I had just advanced on where the government's focus should be directed is just as much a perspective as the argument that values same-sex marriages or firearm possession above having food on the table. But I think it's clear that my interests lie in the state making a break from the church and family as being the axis of our existence. Who knows? Maybe we'll even lay to rest the silly tradition of perfunctorily placing a hand on a bible when in any federal venue.
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purchase decisions [12 Oct 2008|09:38pm]
somebody was very happy when they snagged this bad boy for a mere $50.

this is one of 3 items that I jumped on a day too late. This deal especially got me where it hurts to the point where I'm tempted to file this under "once in a lifetime deals." I'm also tempted to say that were I a person of more means I'd be willing to spend upwards $10k for something like this, I've been finding the frugal types among people making upwards of $2000/wk in gross wages. Seeing this, it seems as if it would take a bit more than a raise to change my ways.

But then again, this past week, I've been a living example of someone who's penny wise, pound foolish when I got yet another flimy twill "jacket" from G-Star Raw, which is nothing more than a glamorized long-sleeved shirt. This is coming from someone who's always felt a little robbed in principle when going to department stores and finding a pair of (d/fr)umpy looking Dockers for $70. I can't see how my latest exercise in getting ripped off is any different. In a way, it isn't, since I think Nordstrom now stocks that brand.

I've been looking for a pair of dress shoes for work, but it's kinda hard to find something in a size 3-4 that doesn't look like the shoes I got from Payless. At times, I wish that the number of stores that specialize in sizes for the more diminutive rivaled the number of big and tall stores in my area. And considering just how few big and tall stores there are, one can say that I can forget about my dreams of owning a decent pair of pointy loafers with wooden soles or boots with straps and other details that serve no real purpose. But then I feel as if recent events have brought about severe changes/compromises to the coordinates of my dreams anyway. So this is OK by me.
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[04 Oct 2008|03:04pm]
opening up a CD pretty much rendered me ineligible for food stamps. I'm seriously hoping that I shape up and really prove that I can move from being a temp to a full hire soon. Processing payroll for production assistants making twice the amount that I make is kind of wearing on me.
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[02 Oct 2008|07:11pm]
kinda looking at getting one of these for $400.



I'm pretty sure I wouldn't use it though.
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[26 Aug 2008|12:52pm]
yelp can serve you in those times when you just need to lash out on someone. And sometimes, doing so earns the respect of targets who get caught in the crossfire of said act to the point where they offer you free crap to allay your dissatisfaction at whatever it may be that's bugging you. Free crap can make you feel on top of the world for a bit--this coming from a guy who lives off of burritos bought using $1 off coupons from taking phone surveys--before you realize that you don't need a free adjustment from a chiropractor at the moment. What to do? What to do? Or rather...

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weekend...er...evening warrior [22 Aug 2008|09:04pm]
I'm slowly finding myself playing the stereotype of the office worker-type who flirts with rebellion going to these bike rides. Well, I suppose I'd prefer that over larping -- but that's only because I lack the wit and imagination to whip up pat sayings right before I cast a spell.

I also got canned from my job or rather I "completed" my assignment. Now would be a chance opportunity for me to look for non-temping positions, especially upon hearing that my friend made ~$2500 selling three cars in a week. But then again, I lack the manipula...charisma that he has so I doubt I'd be able to thrive in that kind of environment anyway.

--

Lately, I've been finding that I might've "had it all wrong" when it comes to all things Deleuze, Foucault, and Nietzsche. These days, I actually find them kind of amazing. I only get slightly confused and sometimes, irked, when some people reduce these philosophers' thoughts to a handful of catch-phrases like "lines of flight" by casually embedding their sentences with such phrases, to the point where my suspicions tell me that said people are banking on the amount of "intensity" surrounding these words. It becomes especially problematic when one seems to take any parsing of these terms as a gross compromise for the dominant discourse. But then again, I could simply be describing my own refusal when called upon to breakdown Lacan's catalog of obscure-ish shibboleths. Obviously, this problem isn't unique to these thinkers, but it's been one I've been noticing lately for some reason.

Bearing in mind the somewhat incestuous shape half of my friends' list has taken, I figure my li'l observation of how danschank's words and the ideas conveyed through these words have a way with staying with you will be a bit redundant. Yet it's so true. As he draws closer to the period of each sentence, every word comes with a leanness and transparency that carries with it its own mystique. There's no need to dress it up in smokes and mirrors because there's already some implicit acknowledgment that words are smokes and mirrors to begin with. In a way, one can say that those who indulge in obscurantism and "inside-jokes" are those who truly believe in the metaphysical properties of words. All gushing aside, despite the brief nature of our exchanges on Deleuze, what I've come to understand as Dan's take on Deleuze has become the version that stays with me. One camp of readers of Deleuze take him to be a product and poster-child for the type of petulance that I associate with the May 68 riots. This particular reading of Deleuze is, I suppose, consistent in attitude insofar as it's an expression of how one feels. But I feel that in Dan's version, the rebellion occurs on a deeper level to the point where one can read it as irony or apathy. It's a rebellion that says no to no without limiting its philosophy as an affirmative hippie-dippie philosophy. In short, Deleuze's only dogma, if it can be called that, is one attached to allowance. And I feel most challenged when I encounter people who take Deleuze and make him into someone who finds it necessary to avoid Freud and Hegel at all costs and still more when encountering someone who finds in Deleuze some blueprint for standing up against the man. It's then no surprise that these are the same people who play their game of obscurantism.

In the end, it feels the lesson I drew from the texts I've read is that should one approach a philosopher, especially those mentioned above, in an unabashedly teleological way, one is bound to find that one can never "get" them in as thorough or as exhaustive of a manner as they hope. In fact, I've found that such rigorous study often yields primarily an understanding of the degree of devotion one has for the subject of study.
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[12 Aug 2008|05:03pm]
The applications I've submitted to be a bank teller at both Wells Fargo and Bank of America were rejected solely based on the results of an automated survey. I thought LJ might be a good place as any other to air my perplexity about the format of the survey. I also think I've identified some of the key sites of confusion that deemed review.

My biggest trouble spots lie in questions that asked how much respect I think I get from my peers, with choices ranging from "not enough" to "too much." I usually responded to these with "not sure," which, in retrospect, probably was the choice that did me in. It's because of these questions that other questions that initially seem like no-brainers became puzzle-games, like this one question asking me to place myself in terms of getting a task done in a group of 100 people in my same age group. That is, the obvious answer would be to invariably place myself on the top, but then maybe doing so would peg me as someone whose positive self-image would carry with it ambitions that would render one an intractable toughguy, thus an unwanted candidate, for the position they had in mind.

The second type of questions that stumped me was the type that asked me to choose what my biggest strengths were: friendliness, punctuality, willingness to follow rules, initiative, and some other quality. Seeing as how there were many questions that were worded similarly enough for me to come up with five different categories of people they were looking for, I then was faced with the dilemma of figuring out which quality they valued the most. I also had to bear in mind that this test was probably designed by a firm with professional sociologists that can spot a "cooked" application solely from the inconsistencies in the answers (see Scientology IQ tests). So, not only am I asked to choose between being Scary Spice, Posh Spice, Baby Spice, Sporty Spice, or...(is there a 5th Spice girl?). No. Any indication of my answers putting me as spread enough between these profiles, or a Bionic Spice, if you will, would be dead giveaway of me lying.

This is also why I generally suck at standardized tests: I lack proper technique.
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